How to Mend a Broken Heart (10 Steps) - Adviser "Jane Wilcox"

Heartbreak is not selective. Heartache isn't prejudiced. It doesn't matter if you are male, female, gay, black, white, Asian, or even mentally challenged. All hearts break in the same way and all hearts will mend, given enough time. As human beings, we have a built-in "impatience" factor that wants the pain to be over and prevents us from waiting out the process needed to heal. Many think that if they meet someone else soon after the breakup of a bad relationship, it will fill the void that love left.

Here are a few tips that will help you to allow enough time to heal your broken heart and assist you back into a happier and healthier space:

1. Think really hard about the person you are no longer seeing
   You may miss the relationship, but toward the end, did you truly appreciate the way you were treated? Ask yourself, "Is it the person I loved? Or being in a relationship that I loved?" A sense of being special to someone else fills all of us with joy, but if that person wasn't treating you like you were someone special – what's to miss?
   
   
2. Give yourself plenty of "Me" time
   Time will heal your wounds. Having alone time is how the Universe prepares you for the next better relationship that is coming your way.
   
   
3. Question any bitterness about the breakup
   Your partner may have been a real jerk toward the end, but ask yourself if you are really bitter towards this person or are you truly angry at yourself for participating in an unhealthy partnership?
   
   
4. Stop blaming yourself for not "fixing" the relationship
   You might be upset with yourself for trying to fix what was wrong while your partner still walked away. There are "takers" and there are "givers" in destructive relationships. You may be blessed with being a "giver", but not everything can be fixed and a "taker" generally does not appreciate the efforts put forth by a "giver."
   
   
5. Use your alone time to heal and stretch yourself
   Do things you enjoy. Stepping out alone can be scary; however, recognize this as part of your personal growth. Try and radiate your best inner glow and project good energy when you do go out. Embrace the adventure!
   
   
6. Don't find a replacement
   A replacement is only going to be temporary – you ultimately want a relationship. You need to take the time to rebuild your emotional reservoirs. You're really running on empty if you put yourself out there too soon.
   
   
7. Figure out who you are and what you want
   Use this time to really get to know yourself and your wants. Write down who you are – your talents, qualities, dreams, etc. Then write down what you want from a relationship – trust, laughter, compatible interests, etc.
   
   
8. Find new things that interest you
   This is your time to work on who you are. If you are behaving and doing the same things as before, then you are likely to attract the same kind of relationship. Step outside the box. Try new and different activities.
   
   
9. Learn how to be alone
   If you don't like your own company how can a partner enjoy it? Pamper yourself, fix yourself healthy meals, keep your space clean and regain your self-esteem. Every time you do something kind for yourself, it will reinforce your feelings of self-worth.
   
   
10. You are not alone!
    No one is singling you out, pointing fingers at the "suddenly single" person. There are lots of single people in the world. The media and event planners focus on couples and portray our society as a couples-oriented one, but you can reject that viewpoint. Be single and be proud of it! Your singledom is temporary.

Finally, thank the Universe that the relationship did not work out because there will be something better for you. Dry your eyes and cry no more. Don't get bogged down with cynicism about love. Garner up your strength and know that the relationship you want and the person who is your true relationship equal is coming.

How to Let Go of Someone You Love

Accept what has happened

The first step to letting go of a loved one is to accept the separation. No matter how smart, attractive and successful you are, you cannot command another person to stay or leave. Understand that you have no control over the other person’s decisions and actions. If your relationship has turned sour, it is best to accept the reality and let go of your partner. Clinging to false hopes and expecting reconciliation will only increase your misery and prolong the hurt which you need to leave behind.Allow yourself to grieveLetting go of a person whom you have loved with all your heart is as painful as ripping out a piece of yourself. But let the pain come and allow yourself to grieve for a while. Denying the feelings of hurt or suppressing them with destructive habits like drugs and alcohol will only make the pain worse and further delay the healing process which is necessary to help you bounce back. If you feel like sobbing loudly, do so in your own room when no one else is around. Or if you feel like staying in a darkened room with mournful music playing, do so for a couple of days. Let the pain get out of your system in whatever way you wish. It will bring about a catharsis of sorts and after that you will surely feel a bit lighter.

Talk to someone

Share your heartbreak with a close friend, sibling or even a counselor if you are hurting too much. In order to let go of a loved one, you need to work through your feelings of hurt, disappointment, betrayal and anger. But go about it with a purpose. Instead of whining and complaining endlessly, see if talking about your feelings can help you to garner some valuable lessons. Figure out your role in the relationship that went sour
and consider how it might prepare you better for a new one.

Get rid of reminders

One practical way to let a partner go out of your life is to get rid of all the things that remind you of him or her. These may include letters, cards, gifts, clothes and jewelry. Don’t hold on to any personal effects that your partner may have left at your place. If you have calmed down by now, return them by mail or if you are feeling deliciously vengeful, throw them in the trash. The sooner you detach yourself from the things that remind you of the loved one, the easier it will be for you to let go.

Force yourself to get out

After you have allowed yourself to grieve for a certain period, make a firm decision to get out. Go back to your work if you had taken a few days off or rejoin any classes that you may have been taking before the breakup. Go out to the grocery store and stock up on food supplies instead of continuing to eat out of a tin. The very act of going out and buying things or rejoining a routine will help you to stop thinking of the other person, if only for a brief while. Remember that if you wish to let go of someone, you will have to take the first step. No one else can do it for you.

Do something new

A tried and tested way of letting go of someone from your life is to do something different with it. Explore a new aspect of your social, creative or spiritual self and it will not only take your mind off the person who has gone but will also help to enhance your personality. Volunteer for community work, go skydiving, take a solo vacation to Nepal, learn a new language or simply head for the new nightclub in town. Having a range of new interests will help you to understand that there is so much to live for and thus will make it easier for you to let go of the person you loved and lost.Understand that the loss may always confuse and hurt you. An important part of learning to let go of a loved one is to accept that there are aspects of the relationship that you may never fully understand or get over. If your partner cheated on you, asking again and again why he did so or what made her prefer another man over you is not only an exercise in futility but will make you more miserable than ever. Some questions may never have any clear answers. When you learn to accept that heartbreaks and disappointments will always be part of your past, only then you will be able to leave it behind and move on.

Take one day at a time

As you are learning to let go of a loved one, there may be phases of ups and downs. Some days you may feel fine and good about getting back your life together while on other days, you may feel utterly despondent and think that you will never get over the loss of the relationship. Understand that letting go is not a simple linear process. Special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries will be tougher than most days but sooner or later time will heal your wounds.Going through the loss of a cherished relationship can be long and difficult process. But remember that you are not alone and everyone has been through it, sometime or the other. Learning to let go, no matter how deeply you loved the person, is essential if you are to move on with your life.

YOU STILL HAVE HOPE

If you can look at the sunset and smile,
then you still have hope.

If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower,
then you still have hope.

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly,

then you still have hope.

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart,
then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people,

then you still have hope.

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep,
then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder,
then you still have hope.

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips,
then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism,
then you still have hope.

If you give people the benefit of a doubt,
then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life,
then you still have hope.

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise,
then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills your with pain and frustration,
then you still have hope.

If you refuse to let a friendship die,
or accept that it must end,
then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection,
then you still have hope.

If you still buy the ornaments,
put up the Christmas tree or cook the supper,
then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile,
then you still have hope.

If, when faced with the bad,
when told everything is futile,
you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase..."yeah...BUT.,"
then you still have hope.

Hope is such a marvelous thing.
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides,
but rarely does it break.

It sustains us when nothing else can.
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead,
when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.

Hope puts a smile on our face
when the heart cannot manage.

Hope puts our feet on the path
when our eyes cannot see it.

Hope moves us to act

when our souls are confused of the direction.

Hope is a wonderful thing,
something to be cherished and nurtured,
and something that will refresh us in return.

And it can be found in each of us,
and it can bring light into the darkest of places.

NEVER LOSE HOPE!

~~ Author Unknown ~~

How to Handle the Narcissists in Your Life

If you have a boss, a roommate, or (heaven help you) a parent with full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, your attempts to develop healthy self-esteem will be severely challenged. There are four ways to go about dealing with such people. Each approach may be useful at various times, and understanding all four will give you a range of responses to your own least favorite narcissists.

1. Acquiesce. The first way of dealing with narcissists is to behave as they want you to. This means placing them at the center of every decision, silencing your own thoughts and feelings, and constantly reassuring them that they are what Jesus would have been like if he'd gotten some therapy. I suggest acquiescence if you enjoy grappling with the urge to hurl yourself in front of a train.

2. Push back. Narcissists are bullies. They rely on other people's decency and self-restraint to sustain their psychological dominance. Bluntly, assertively refusing to comply with their demands withers them, because in their warped emotional environment, one person in each twosome must always dominate, the other be dominated. If you take the dominant role, narcissists will fall into the "dominated" category without even understanding why. 

The next time a narcissist rages at you, don't explain or placate. Instead, get dominant. State emphatically that you will not tolerate attempts to intimidate or manipulate you. If he whines, tell him to stop whining. If she bristles, bristle right back. Rather than escalating the conflict, as it might with a normal person, this assertive response often stops narcissists dead in their tracks. The dance of dominance in the narcissist's brain works in your favor if you're willing to lead. 

3. Drug them with praise. When I compared narcissists with addicts, I wasn't speaking metaphorically. True narcissists are literally addicted to praise. Large doses of adulation can put them into a drugged euphoria. If you find yourself in a narcissist's power, try delivering a dose of ego reinforcement. Don't lie—just say things like "You have amazing potential!" or "Goodness, the things you know!"

This often renders narcissists so docile that you can move them to the sidelines of your life and go about your business. Sure, it's disingenuous compared to telling the whole truth ("You're mentally ill; you need help"), but trying to persuade a narcissist to change is like climbing into a pigpen to wrestle a hog: You get covered with manure, and the hog enjoys it.

4. Drop the rope. You win a tug-of-war by dragging your opponent across a line on the ground—or do you? If the tug-of-war happens to be nonsensical and destructive, then the way to truly win is to drop the rope. This is my favorite method of dealing with narcissists. As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off narcissistic rage, stop. Walk away. The narcissist will win the tug-of-war. You'll win your sanity. Take your pick.

If you practice any of these behaviors regularly, you will find that life becomes much less frightening. You'll be able to handle any narcissist who happens to cross your path. And you'll learn to climb off your own roller coaster of shame and adulation. This is an act of guts and grace that will help you heal the world rather than hurt it—a legacy no narcissist, however powerful, can ever claim. 

-- Martha Beck is the author of The Joy Diet (Crown) and Expecting Adam (Berkley).

How Self-Acceptance Can Crack Open Your Life

Self-acceptance is an invitation to stop trying to change yourself into the person you wish to be, long enough to find out who you really are.

Self-acceptance is defined as affirmation or acceptance of self in spite of weaknesses or deficiencies.
Although this term has been often understood in a common sense way, researchers have defined it formally in terms of positive and negative self-concepts.
Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's feeling about himself that he is of "unique worth"

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-Self-Acceptance-Can-Crack-Open-Your-Life/1#ixzz2KmlPUptx

Self-acceptance is like a miracle ingredient that helps you to grow more fully into your true self. Increasing your commitment to practicing self-acceptance now will help you take accountability for your life, play to your strengths and open you to a new level of inspiration and happiness. On the deepest level, self-acceptance activates the law of attraction. The more you accept yourself, the more abundant you feel and the richer your life becomes. It's time to really go for it. 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

While sleeping near a sycamore tree in the sacristy of an abandoned church, Santiago, a shepherd boy, has a recurring dream about a child who tells him that he will find a hidden treasure if he travels to the Egyptian pyramids. An old woman tells Santiago that this dream is prophetic and that he must follow its instructions. Santiago is uncertain, however, since he enjoys the life of a shepherd.

Next Santiago meets a mysterious old man who seems able to read his mind. This man introduces himself as Melchizedek, or the King of Salem. He tells Santiago about good and bad omens and says that it is the shepherd boy's duty to pursue his Personal Legend. Melchizedek then gives Santiago two stones, Urim and Thummim, with which to interpret omens.

Santiago wavers briefly before selling his flock and purchasing a ticket to Tangier, in northern Africa, to which he travels by boat. Shortly after he arrives there, a thief steals all of Santiago's money, so the shepherd boy decides to look for a way to make enough money to return home. He finds work in the shop of a crystal merchant, where Santiago makes improvements that reap considerable financial rewards.

After eleven months of working in the shop, Santiago is unsure of how to proceed. Should he return to Andalusia a rich man and buy more sheep? Or should he cross the vast Sahara in pursuit of the hidden treasure of his dreams? He joins a caravan traveling to Egypt.

Santiago meets an Englishman who wants to learn the secret of alchemy, or turning any metal into gold, from a famous alchemist who lives at an oasis on the way to the pyramids. While traveling, Santiago begins listening to the desert and discovering the Soul of the World. The caravan eventually reaches the oasis, and there Santiago meets an Arab girl named Fatima and falls in love with her instantly. The caravan leader gathers the travelers together and tells them that tribal warfare prevents them from continuing their journey.

Santiago wanders from the oasis into the desert and, seeing two hawks fighting in the sky, has a vision of an army entering the oasis. Because attacking an oasis is a violation of the rules of the desert, Santiago shares his vision with the oasis's tribal chieftain. Soon afterward, Santiago is confronted by a black-garbed, veiled stranger with a sword, who sits atop a white horse. It is the alchemist. The tribal chieftain arms his men, and they are well-prepared when the oasis is indeed invaded. The alchemist offers to cross the desert with Santiago.

Soon the two men enter into an area of intense tribal warfare. Warriors hold the two men captive, but eventually allow them to continue their journey. The alchemist tells Santiago that he needs to return to the oasis, and that the rest of the trip is Santiago's to make alone so that he can claim his Personal Legend.

Santiago arrives at the Egyptian pyramids and begins to dig. He finds nothing buried in the ground. Thieves beat Santiago and rob him of his money. After he tells them of his dream, though, one of the thieves recounts his own dream about a buried treasure in the sacristy of an abandoned church.

Returning to Andalusia, Santiago goes back to the church where he dreamed of the treasure near the pyramids. He digs where he slept, beneath a sycamore tree, and there it is: Santiago's treasure.

Silence ! The court is in Session by Vijay Tendulkar

Vijay Tendulkar, a great Indian playwright

Vijay Tendulkar, one of the outstanding Indian playwrights, was born in Mumbai on 6th January 1928. He started writing at an early age, and as a writer he has excelled in many departments of literature: essays, short stories, criticism, screenplay writing and drama. In the beginning he appeared as a controversial writer, but his works showed him as an honest artist. His honesty and skill won him reputation and recognition. Today, he is celebrated as a great Indian playwright.

Satire, Sarcasm and Reality in Silence! The Court is in Session

In Silence! The Court is in Session, Tendulkar has depicted the plight of a young woman, who is betrayed by the male dominated society. A traditional male dominated society cannot relinquish its paralyzed values and customs. The society does not like to perceive or receive any social change. Tendulkar presents a treatment of those ugly ways of society in this play. It is a bitter satire against the social ills and an interesting attempt to criticize the follies that prevail in our society.

The Background and Story

I'd consider Silence! The Court is in Session to be Tendulkar's best play. In it we find a group of teachers who were planning to stage a play in a village. It so turned out that one of the members of the cast did not show up. A local stagehand was asked to replace him. A rehearsal was arranged and a mock trial was staged to make him understand the court procedure. A mock charge of infanticide was leveled against Miss Benare, one of the members of the cast. Then the pretend-play or game suddenly turned into a grim charge and it emerged from the witness that Miss Benare did kill an illegitimate child by Prof. Damle, the missing member of the cast.

Charges

It is important here to note that these charges became verbalized only in the absence of Damle. If he were present, the typical backbiting attitude of the self-righteous Indian male would not have helped reveal the truth. Miss Benare was thrown into the dock and there she remained trying to joke herself out of it, but trapped too murderously, by the male vultures around her. Witness after witness, charge upon charge was heaped upon her. The defense lawyer was so frightened that he only asked for a little mercy on her behalf. Miss Benare who is on the offensive at the beginning found herself trapped at the close of the play.

The Plight of Miss Benare

Benare is an educated woman about thirty-four years old. She worked as a schoolteacher. She was also associated with an amateur dramatic alliance, whose prime purpose was to educate the public with social and current issues. The association chose to educate people with procedures of a court of law. They arrived on the spot quite early, thus they decided to have a rehearsal of mock court. Benare was reluctant to perform the role of an accused but this reluctance was ignored. The playwright endeavors to create a game-like non-serious atmosphere. But soon the imaginary charges led to personal dilemmas.
Benare is seen in a cheerful mood of flamboyance, but she gets her first blow, when Ponkshe, a scientist, says, "She runs after men too much." Karnik, one of the characters, says that Benare was in love with her maternal uncle but the affair ended in fiasco. He further "reveals' her past life by saying that she first proposed to Ponkshe and then tried to deceive Rokde, a young boy.

The Judgment

Mr. Kashikar, the presiding Judge, reads out the charge and pronounces:

"Prisoner Miss Benare, under section 302 of the Indian Penal Code, you have been accused of the crime of infanticide. Are you guilty of the aforementioned crime?"

Benare says: "I couldn't kill even a common cockroach. I'm scared to do it. How could I kill a newborn child?"
This falls deaf on the ears of men in the court. Benare's views are rejected by all of them, and it seems like a pre-planned conspiracy. Benare herself observes their odious nature by saying, " You've all deliberately ganged up against me! You have plotted against me."

Literally Trapped

Benare tries to leave the court but becomes upset when all doors all automatically bolted from outside. In fact, she is trapped and can't escape. Furthermore, Mrs. Kashikar executes physical violence to drag Benare to the dock. She has another damaging view against Benare. She does not hesitate to say that these young unmarried girls get everything without marrying. She shows her doubt, how can Benare remain unmarried till the age of thirty-four?

Accusations Not on File

Thus, the main charge is wholly forgotten during the trail. All the characters try to impose their personal comments and accuse Benare of wrong-doing and immoral acts, in one form or another. The game of mock trial, which started for entertainment, turns into Benare's tragedy. Benare is totally devastated. She is also stricken with a sense of fear like a trapped animal, and has been dismembered morally and socially.
Benare utters only these words, after her failure in love with her maternal uncle: "Life is a poisonous snake that bites itself. Life is a betrayal. Life is a fraud. Life is a drug. Life is drudgery… Life is a very dreadful thing." She wanted to die, but she could not.

Easier to Say: "Destroy the Child!" Than Saying "Kill the Child!"

The judgment itself seems more absurd. Mr. Kashikar says: "The crimes you have committed are most terrible. There is no forgiveness for them…No memento of your sin should remain for future generations. Therefore this court hereby sentences that you shall live. But the child in your womb shall be destroyed."

Mockery of Trials, Judges and Justice

A judicial court is supposed to be a seat of Justice, seriousness and decorum. Through this play, Tendulkar also makes a review of the present day court procedures, and points out the problem of degradation and the loss of the dignity of the court. It is a matter of fact that a witness has to take an oath keeping his hand on the Gita or some such religious scripture, during the court procedures.
In the play, the witnesses take oath touching the Oxford English Dictionary. What is more, Mr. Kasikar, the judge, also jumps into the witness box in violation of all court procedures and decorum, and declares his personal views from the witness stand: "A sinful canker on the body of society- that's my honest opinion of these grown-up unmarried girls."

Who Is Under Attack Here?

Tendulkar has criticized the middle-class morality that throttles the tender desires of Benare, a middle class woman, to mother a child in the play. Tendulkar seems to leave the play without suggesting any solution to the problem. None in the play is ready to sympathize with Benare. Only Mr. Kashikar, the judge, feels that they are going too far in their mock-trial but, then, he immediately silences his conscience. After all the Court is in session, and everyone is expected to keep silence! Tendulkar covertly pleads for sympathy for the victims of the society through this flash of humanity for a moment in the heart of Mr. Kashikar.

Silence! The Court is in Session is not a propaganda play. It grapples with several problems of the Indian society-such as the degradation of the judiciary system, pretentious institutional social service organizations, and forceful male supremacy in Indian society, in a masterful way. However, the fact is that we look at the world and our friends, relatives, et al., and value their roles only from their utility towards our ends. Conventional morality is only an imaginary issue.

Lonely

Loneliness

What is loneliness?

As social beings, most of us feel the need for rewarding social contact and relationships. One common definition of loneliness is that it is the feeling we get when our need for this type of contact is not met.

However, loneliness is not the same as being alone. You might choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people. Or you may have lots of social contact, or be in a relationship or part of a family and still feel lonely.
Loneliness is not feeling part of the world. You might be surrounded by loads of people but... you are [still] lonely.Loneliness can have a significant impact on your mental health. It can contribute to mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression.

Having a mental health problem can also make you feel lonely. For example, your condition may mean that you find social contact difficult or that you find it hard to maintain friendships, or you may feel isolated because of stigma and discrimination.

What makes people lonely?

Loneliness has many different causes and affects people differently. Often people feel lonely because of their personal circumstances. But sometimes loneliness is a deeper, more constant feeling that comes from within.

Personal circumstances

Certain lifestyles and the stresses of daily life can make some people socially isolated and vulnerable to loneliness. There are many situations that might make you feel isolated or lonely.

For example, if you:
• lose a partner or someone close to you
• go through a relationship break-up
• are a single parent or caring for someone else – you may find it hard to maintain a social life
• retire and lose the social contact you had at work
• are older and find it difficult to go out alone
• move to a new area without family, friends or community networks
• belong to a minority ethnic group and live in an area without others from a similar background
• are excluded from social activities – for example, because of mobility problems or a shortage of money
• experience discrimination and stigma – for example, because of a disability or long-term health condition, or your gender, race or sexuality
• have experienced sexual or physical abuse – you may find it hard to form close relationships with other people.

Internal feelings of loneliness

Some people experience deep and constant feelings of loneliness that come from within and do not disappear, regardless of their social situation or how many friends they have.

There are many reasons people experience this kind of loneliness. You might feel unable to like yourself or to be liked by others, or you may lack self-confidence. This may come from having been unloved as a child so that, as an adult, you continue to feel unlovable in all relationships. Or sometimes, consciously or unconsciously, people isolate themselves within their relationships because they are afraid of being hurt.

Loneliness, for me, is a side effect of the barriers I've put up
over the years to protect myself from the world, and the world
from me.

Loneliness, for me, is a side effect of the barriers I've put up
over the years to protect myself from the world, and the world
from me.

If you experience this deeper type of loneliness, you may try to avoid being on your own and spend a lot of time socialising. Or you may react in the opposite way, hiding away on your own so you don't have to face a world of people you feel unconnected to. You may also develop unhelpful habits, such as using alcohol or drugs, to escape your feelings of loneliness or to face social situations that you can’t avoid.

How can being lonely affect your mental health?

Loneliness and social isolation can have a significant impact on your mental health. Studies have shown that people who are socially isolated experience more stress, have lower self-esteem and are more likely to have sleep problems than people who have strong social support. All of these things can have a negative effect on your general wellbeing.

Being lonely can also contribute to mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression. Social isolation has also been linked to rarer mental health conditions like schizophrenia. If you are concerned that
your feelings of loneliness are developing into a mental health problem, you may find it helpful to talk to your GP.

Sometimes feeling lonely can feel so overwhelming that you have suicidal thoughts. 

How can I overcome feelings of loneliness?

For many people, overcoming loneliness is about increasing the level of social contact that they have with other people and there are different ways to do this. However, if you experience feelings of loneliness that are unrelated to social contact, you may need to develop different strategies to help you overcome this. We discuss both types of strategy here.

Connecting with the world around you

The way I deal with loneliness is to go out and spend time outside, have a small conversation with the cashier as I pay for my
things, phone my mum or see a close friend.

For some people, feeling lonely is not about how many friends they have, but about feeling disconnected from the rest of the world. In this case, it can help to take small steps to feel more connected with the world around you.

Making contact with people you know can be a useful first step in helping you feel less alone. If you have friends or family, phoning someone, or sending a text or email, can help make you feel more grounded and remind you that there are people in your life.

Sometimes just going outside for a walk and seeing other people in the street, perhaps saying hello to someone you know, can make you feel a bit better.

If you are with other people or in a group situation, it can be easy to stay quiet or hide behind your phone. However, this can make you feel lonelier in the long run. Although it may feel difficult, joining in the conversation, even a bit, can often help you feel less isolated.

Making the most of social contact

If you are lonely, it can help to make the most of opportunities for social contact, however small.

If you work, pick your children up from school, or have a friendly neighbour or shopkeeper, starting a conversation – or even just  saying hello – can make you feel less alone.

If you are out of practice talking to people, starting a conversation may seem daunting at first. If you find it hard knowing what to say, try asking people about themselves and what they are interested in.

If you don’t get an enthusiastic reply, the main thing is not to take it personally. The other person may be having a bad day that is nothing to do with you or may feel shy too. You might get a more positive response from someone else.

Meeting people and making friends

For many people, meeting new people and making friends can help them overcome their feelings of loneliness.

Many people meet their friends through their daily lives – for example, through work, their children’s schools or through people they already know. But for people who do not work, or live away from friends and family, it can be difficult to meet new people.

One way is through making links with people with shared experiences, values or interests. Think about something that interests you. This could be anything from walking or watching films to making model cars. If you join a social group to do with something that genuinely interests you, you should find that you meet people who share your interests and get to do something you enjoy. You can find information about local groups, clubs or classes at your local library, in local newspapers or magazines, or online.

Making Friends and Keeping them

One of the most important features of beginning a new friendship is to not be scared. When making friends there is a tendency to make assumptions on what another person may be thinking. A guy may think, “I’d like to dance with that lovely lady, but I am not good looking enough and she is going to say no, I’m sure”.

Meantime she is thinking, “I wish that hunky guy over there would ask me to dance!” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you don’t ask, you don’t get! The absolute worst thing that can possibly happen is a lady says no. Relationship or friendship can be a numbers game, the next lady will say yes!

It’s not about what others think

People who are not secure when it comes to making friends are usually scared of what other people are thinking. Who really cares what other people think? Nobody is perfect and if someone doesn't seem to like you, then it’s their problem, not yours. Talk to someone else!

Always remember that in the beginning of a friendship everyone is on his or her best behavior. Give everything a little time. There are occasions when an instant friendship occurs but mostly it takes time to develop. When making friends don’t be all over the other person at first; just take it easy as you get to know each other.

Choose honesty

We cannot expect to go through life without having a personality clash with someone. Often people are frightened of upsetting someone else in case they lose the friendship. If the other party cannot accept honesty and communication then they are not much of a friend! Either that or they are manipulating you in some way and you don’t need that!

You cannot have an argument if only one person argues. Think about that, we all have different points of view and good friends agree to disagree and get on with their lives. It is most important when you have a good friend not to play games or try to change them. Unfortunately some people tend to do this. Why change what is working? It is a quick way to end the relationship.

Embrace true friendship

True friendship consists of rejoicing in the other person’s good fortunes, offering cheer in times of distress, sympathy in adversity, advice during trouble, and material help in times of real need. True friendship is broad and inclusive.

Value a friendship, for it is an expression of the flower of true love. If you hold a flower in your hand, how can you crush it?

When the Newness Wears Off

The ability to adapt to change is a great asset in this ever changing world. In fact, those who are able to quickly adapt to changing circumstances and stay ahead of the curve are often thought of as cutting edge. In some cases, this ability can even mean our very survival.

You probably also know those who are resistant to making any kind of new adjustment, unless they are forced to do so. We might describe them as stuck in their ways. This mindset often results in being way behind the curve, instead of ahead of it. So being able to recognize the need for a change, and quickly adapt to it, can certainly serve us well.

The other side of adaptability

It’s amazing how fast something new can become routine. We start a new job, make a new friend, or learn a new skill, and two weeks later it’s just part of our life.  Have you ever marveled at how fast newness seems to wear off?

When you buy a new car, how often do you wash it and then stand back just to admire its design? How about six months later, does it still get the same amount of attention? You see what I mean? We get used to things really fast. This is how adaptability works. You see a need for change, you adapt, and you move on. The challenge becomes the norm, and everything new eventually becomes common place.

Is there a downside to being so adaptable?

The problem with adaptability is that once the newness wears off, it’s real easy to start taking things (and people) for granted. That shiny new car that we thought so much of becomes last year’s model. That exciting new job becomes the grind. And if we aren’t careful, that amazing new relationship in our life gets way lessappreciation.

Of course, we like to think “that’s not going to happen,” especially when it comes to that special  relationship. But it does happen, and we’ve all seen it happen. Maybe it’s even happened to you! That’s where the old saying comes from: “I never realized what I had until I lost it.” The truth is, they realized it at some point, but then the newness wore off and they forgot.

Keeping things new!

What is it that allows us to continue appreciating something, or someone, even after the newness wears off? Really, it boils down to two important things –GRATITUDE and FOCUS. And the secret here is that one feeds the other. If you focus on the wonderful qualities of someone, then you can’t help but feel grateful for having them in your life. And if you are grateful, then you will take the time to focus on their wonderful qualities. See how that works?

Just so you know, this also works the other way around, so be careful. The more you focus on someone’s imperfections, the more fault you will find and the less gratitude you will feel. So if you want to keep your relationship alive with feelings of appreciation and gratitude, focus on the good and avoid fault finding. In reality, we all have plenty of faults and we appreciate it when others don’t shine a spotlight on ours.

Take a look at your own appreciation levels

Are there important aspects of your life that aren’t receiving the level ofappreciation they deserve? We could ask this question with regard to people or material possessions. Even though the concept applies equally to both, I will focus on people for the moment. For some reason, familiarity can easily obscure our estimation of the people closest to us.

Here are 5 strategies we can use to avoid the tendency of taking these people for granted, and keep our appreciation alive.

1. Remember. The people who are closest to us are in that position for one or more reasons. Do you remember what qualities attracted you to them in the first place? How often do you take the time to appreciate those special qualities? Remembering why that person came to be part of your life can help keep your appreciation for them alive and healthy.

2. Recount. As long as you are thinking about how special they are, why not mention it? Not only will they appreciate your expressions, but verbalizing your positive feelings will also serve to reinforce them in your heart. Our nervous system takes many of its cues from the words that come out of our own mouths.

3. Notice. Do you still notice the many ways that those special qualities manifest themselves? It’s entirely possible to remember what attracted you to that person, and still fail to notice their current expressions of those same qualities. Living in the moment helps us to really see how valuable others are to us. Appreciation is a real time activity.

4. Respond. We respond with appreciation through personal interaction. When someone you care about is doing something that you appreciate, can they sense your approval? Does your response send a clear message of approval and appreciation? Whether it’s a smile, an appreciative comment, or a helping hand, giving positive feedback is a form of approval.

5. Attitude. Do you have the attitude of gratitude for those special people in your life? Do you count them among your blessings? If so, then the four steps above will come easily and naturally for you. However, if it’s a struggle for you, try spending some time each day thinking about how grateful you are to have these special people in your life, and why. Never underestimate the power of gratitude.

Newness is all about perception

Familiarity does not need to diminish our level of wonder and appreciation. My wife and I have been together for almost 26 years, and I am still in awe over how amazing she is. In my heart that sense of newness is still alive because I can never quite get used to the fact that such a wonderful person is in my life.

We can all cultivate this kind of appreciation. Applying the 5 strategies above will help you keep things new while avoiding the tendency to take anything, or anyone, for granted.

How Our Relationships Reveal Our Beliefs

What do you see when you look at the world around you? What do you see when you look at the people around you? We all see things that we are attracted to, and things we don’t want anything to do with, isn’t that true?

How objective do you think your perspective really is? If we could all be totally objective then we would all see things the same way, wouldn’t we? But we don’t! We see things differently because we are all different. Much of what we see in the people around us, and the world in general, is actually a reflection of our beliefs about ourselves.

Life is a mirror of sorts

When you’re around a person that leaves you feeling annoyed, nervous, troubled, suspicious, edgy, or in any way uncomfortable, where does that come from? Very often, some part of what you are seeing is a reflection of a hidden belief you have about yourself, one that you are not very comfortable with. If you’re harboringhidden fears and insecurities, and what someone else is saying or doing is reinforcing those, you’re going to feel uncomfortable around them. That will be anuncomfortable relationship.

Likewise, when you’re around people who encourage you to feel loved and appreciated, part of what you are feeling is a reflection of your own belief that you deserve to be loved and appreciated. In this case, the people around you are reinforcing an empowering belief that you have about yourself. So, you are naturally attracted to those people and want to have a closer relationship with them.

What are you attracting into your life?

This kind of attraction works both ways. Other people will be drawn to you if you tend to reflect their own empowering beliefs about themselves. However, if something about you reminds them of their own fears and insecurities, they won’t want to be around you.

There’s a lot we can learn from this. By studying our response to our relationships, and other people’s response to us, we can gain insight into possible limitingbeliefs that we need to work on. Once we become aware of the fact that what we believe about ourselves is being revealed by the quality of our relationships, it puts us in an excellent position to address any belief that we are not especially pleased with.

Honesty is required!

Of course, this all sounds good in theory, but being brutally honest with ourselves, especially concerning some hidden limiting belief, can be somewhat uncomfortable. Our ego wants to resist the fact that anything unpleasant is actually a reflection of a negative belief on our part. It’s much easier to give credit for our discomfort to someone else. This is where resistance comes in.

After all, who of us wants to think that that annoying person we just met is somehow a reflection of an inner insecurity? Who of us wants to think that we are somehow responsible for the friction that exists in our relationships? Really, who of us wants to think anything negative about ourselves?

To be honest, we need to be balanced

Balance means that we need to be able to discern which signals being reflected back to us in our relationships are revealing limiting beliefs, and which ones have nothing to do with us. If we treat our mate with love and compassion, and we see someone else being abusive, we are not going to like it.

That doesn’t mean that we have a hidden abusive streak in us. To the contrary, it probably means that we believe that everyone deserves to be treated with a measure of respect. So, not everything that feels negative is a reflection of some hidden limiting belief. To think that it was would be completely unbalanced. Let’s face it, some things are just bad regardless of what you believe.

Do you like what you see in your relationships?

This can be a hard concept to come to grips with because it means that we need to accept responsibility for our own perception of reality. We need to be open to the idea that our beliefs determine our perception, and that our relationshipsreveal those beliefs.

Let’s look at some specific, hidden beliefs that our relationships might be revealing. None of this is designed to hurt anyone’s feelings. Actually, it is designed to do the exact opposite. If we are harboring negative or limiting beliefsabout ourselves, chances are pretty good that we are already in pain because of it. We can’t work on a problem until we are aware that there is a problem. Awareness is the first step.

3 relationship scenarios that reveal limiting beliefs

1) Many people are consistently attracted to people who reinforce their limiting beliefs. If you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, then you will be attracted to people who are incapable of loving you. They will also be attracted to you. No matter how hard you try, that relationship will never be deeply satisfying. This will only serve to reinforce your limiting belief that you don’t deserve to be loved.

2) Low self esteem carries with it a sense of unworthiness. If we feel unworthy of a mutually respectful relationship, we will be attracted to people who lack the ability to show respect. They will also be attracted to us. It may not be real obvious at first, but our radar can sense the signs and draw us in. In this case, familiarity will probably breed contempt and our belief that we are unworthy of respect will be reinforced.

3) If we believe that people are basically unkind, how will that influence our relationship choices? We will probably find someone we are attracted to on another level and then make excuses for their lack of kindness. Eventually, when their unkindness is directed at us, our limiting belief will be reinforced and we will have the hurt feelings to prove it.

Awareness is the path to freedom

All three of the relationship scenarios are painful. None of us wants that to be our reality. So, how do we avoid playing into these traps? Once we becomeconsciously aware that it is our beliefs that are creating an unpleasant relationship experience, we have taken the first step toward freedom. Then we can take decisive steps to dismantle those limiting beliefs.

When limiting beliefs are replaced with empowering beliefs, it changes the kind of people we are attracted to, and the kind of people who are attracted to us. It changes the whole dynamic of our relationships. We begin to build relationships with people who reinforce our positive beliefs about ourselves. This will completely change what we take into a relationship, and that, in turn, will change the way we experience our relationships.

Take the next step and amaze yourself

Our reality is the manifestation of our beliefs. If we don’t like our current reality all we need to do is change our beliefs and we will get a new reality. If you want to do this, the easiest way is to get my book TRUE SELF. I’ll walk you through it step-by-step and you will get results, guaranteed.

Bottom line, you deserve to be loved and treated with kindness. You are worthy of respect and consideration. And you can build satisfying relationships with people who want to reinforce your empowering beliefs. What you believe you can achieve!